Networking.

Networking Surprises by Matthew Cornell
"[...]two recent experiences surprised me, and made me realize that there are many directions networking with someone can go. In one case I talked with an established professional organizer in the area, who started the call with the very emotional speech 'What makes you think I'd be willing to talk to you?' The outcome? No I didn't (politely) hang up (I did seriously consider it). Instead I stayed with her, asking if there was a way we could talk that wouldn't be threatening. We ended up talking for well over an hour, and discovered mutual friends and compatible ideas. "

A Geek Gets Networking By Matthew Cornell
"[...]I know I absolutely must stay open to unexpected opportunities, especially ones that I literally can't imagine. My hope is that, by meeting others, being generous to them, and listening, I'll gain insight into (and help with) defining my path, rather than simply following possibly limited ones I dream up myself. [...]

I've discovered a world that, as a programmer, I had no clue existed. I've been living in a 20 year technical cocoon, starting with my first job with NASA, in which I've focused solely on my immediate social environment - my fellow workers, my boss, etc. This has been possible due to the focused nature of the work, and my willingness to be happy with that (frankly) impoverished level of connection with people. However, it is definitely time to change."

And finally, a refreshing, more productive and less "bloodthirsty" definition of networking: "Is Networking a Dirty Word?"

Hm, I wonder what the theme is for this blog. ;)

One of my goals this year is to reach the level of social competence that I had achieved in high school senior year. In a previous post, I wrote about how openness and compassion led me to automatic intimacy and friendship. Since I've graduated, however, I have started to withdraw more and more into the social ineptitude I suffered from during the majority of high school and middle school. To give you an idea of how severe my social anxiety was, I always took an hour to debate with myself whether or not I should ask the man four feet away from me for the time. No joke. I hated making eye contact, I felt uncomfortable being near people, and in the course of an 8-hour school day, I literally spoke about 5 words. (Ask John Kim, he even brought this up to me. Lol.)

When I became more social, I found it easier to deal with problems, to talk to people, to initiate conversations with strangers, to ask for help, to give and receive generosity-- being more social made me stronger, more resilient, and more productive. While I do not have personal tips and advice for networking (it's become a new subject of interest to me, honestly), I do have advice for those who find it extremely difficult to approach people:

1. Use surroundings.
If I'm in a classroom, I'll discuss about the professor, the coursework, the subject, the school, the campus. This gives you an idea of their attitude, whether they are slackers, go-getters, critics, optimists, etc.

2. Use other people.
This does not imply gossip or criticism, by the way. It's important to stay positive, no matter what. Ask, for example, how they know so-and-so (i.e. if you are at a party or at a friend's house).

3. Use visuals!
This, personally, has proved to be the easiest way for me to make friends and make new people. By visuals, I mean hair, clothes, shoes, jewelry, anything. Give a genuine, honest compliment and build on it. Ask where it came from. Make comments about the store (i.e. you like the store, you shop there occasionally, you've never been there, you've never heard of it...). From there, you can go in a multitude of directions.

I personally love taking to other otakus. :) I feel so connected and so extroverted in a convention because I know that I have at least ONE thing in common with them: anime! And it's a safe assumption that if you live in Georgia and you are an otaku, you've heard of/visited/frequent/volunteered at/anticipate/love AWA. If they are adorning some otakuwear ( be it a shirt, a beanie, a keychain ..), I bring it up. I've gotten into the most elaborate conversations with people I've never seen before and it's amazing how long it goes on for. Most of the time, I even expand the conversation to other areas, like whether they live around the area, or whether they know of so-and-so, where they go to school at, what their major is-- I love talking to new people. :)

So especially if you're a total nerd like me, you can connect to people just like that. ::g::

I also think that this is a reason why it's also useful to wear printed t-shirts on them. :3 They make great conversation starters, which brings me to my next point ...

4. Do not be afraid of small talk.
Small talk is almost always inevitable, so why waste time and potential avoiding it? And small talk always leads up to bigger talk. I used to feel really awkward making small talk. My mind was constantly being bogged down with thoughts like, "Jeez, she must think I'm so lame" or "This is not going well; this is so awkward!" or "He must think I'm so shallow." I wanted to impress people, but talking about yourself up front tends to seem arrogant or braggy. Also, I picked up somewhere that it is never a good idea to talk about something that makes you passionate, which makes a great deal of sense. Otherwise, people will avoid you, assume that that's all you are interested in talking about, or people just mark you down as crazy or bad-eccentric.

If I approached a stranger, "Hey, how are you? I'm Havana. God, aren't you so angry that Disney isn't making any more traditional animaion films?!*" Passion is admirable, but not when it's slapped in people's faces. I prefer it to be a quirk than to be my identity. :)

That's all I can really offer for now. If you have more tips/advice/articles, please a comment! :D I always love hearing from others!