Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Contemplations on interconnectedness.

Teehee!



Jeez, do I miss these old days. ^_^ And looking back on episodes, there are SO many underlying jokes I never even caught at all when I was younger. I miss cartoons when they were actually funny. And it's also kind of interesting how unisexual this show ( amongst others, like Tiny Toons) was compared to the majority of cartoons now. God, they don't make them like this anymore.

Also, I can totally see where my personality came from now. ::g::

Here's one for you, babe. XD The ending is horrendously creative~





I was reading the Dalai Lama and I've decided that I will try everything I can to meet him before I pass away. Or rather, before he does. ^_^;;

Anyways, last night, I was reading a chapter on relationships-- not romantic relationships, but relationships in general. The more I read and thought about it, the more I understood how interconnected we are. It's almost impossible to live without other people. It's futile to even try. I used to be very foolish, wanting to face and deal with things on my own. I didn't want to bother anyone and if I needed someone's help, I would have been weak. The strong, independent archetype is just that: independent.

I only found myself in further disrepair. As rational I was trying to be, I found myself in circles. I was overly suspicious of people's intentions and assumptions. This made me curl up inside myself, away from everyone. It made me terrified of trying new things and meeting new people. I became so skeptical of my friends' outstretched hands taht I am so utterly surprised that they have remained my friends for this long. The more I retreated into myself, the more psychological instable I'd become.

"My basic belief is that you first need to realize the usefulness of compassion,"he said with a tone of conviction. "That's the key factor. Once you accept the fact that compassion is not something childish or sentimental, once you realize that compassion is something really worthwhile, realize its deeper value, than you immediately develop an attraction towards it, a willingness to cultivate it.

"And once you encourage the thought of compassion in you mind, once that thought becomes active, then your attitude towards others changes automatically. If you approach others with the thought of compassion, that will automatically reduce fear and allow an openness with other people. It creates a positive, friendly atmosphere. With that attitude, even if the other person is unfriendly or doesn't respond to you in a positive way, then at least you've approached the person with a feeling of openness that give you a certain flexibility and freedom to change your approach as needed. That kind of openness at least allows the possibility of having a meaningful conversation with them. But
without the attitude of compassion, if you are feeling closed, irritated, or indifferent, then you can even be approached by your best friend and you just feel uncomfortable.

-
"The Art of Happiness," p. 69

Late junior year, I started talking to Josh. Neither of us expected it at all, I don't think, but we became the best of friends. I do not think I've ever been so close to a friend before. I spilled a lot to him; things I had always been ashamed of, embarrassed about, I told him so casually and so openly.

And whereas I could not help but be skeptical about people's concern for me, I could feel it in Josh. He held the same trust in me; I remember when we spent 5 hours on the phone, unraveling our life story. Though Josh was the only one I confided in, I felt more intimate with everyone I knew. There was no need to feel so closed up anymore; I mean, I didn't even have to exert any effort to be open with people, I just WAS. As long as I knew that there was at least ONE person out there whom I could genuinely trust and whom I could be open with, everything seemed okay. Not that I continued keeping everything inside. I DID become more open to people ... automatically. And the more I shared, the less these problems seemed to bother me. Suddenly, I could take my problems more lightly and I could face them without much trouble.

In fact, if it wasn't for me finally opening up to Josh, I wouldn't have been able to develop my social skills the way I did in senior year. I was moderately extroverted, I confided in a small circle of friends, I felt more myself, less of a fraud. Though I hardly outright lied about anything about myself, I never told anyone anything, and that can be a degree of falsehood. I didn't feel the need to fabricate my life anecdotes, as I admittedly did in 8th-9th grade. I can't say I was super-optimistic or happy, since there WERE many problems back in senior year. However, it felt supported by my friends. I really felt stronger because of my friends. They gave me courage.

And if it wasn't for me able to open myself up, I wouldn't have reached the pinnacle of intimacy with Shef. :3 I told him absolutely everything. I showed him every side of myself. Good and bad, he's seen it all. My peppy, bouncy side, my despairing side, my nagging (unintentionally!) side, my insecure side, my stubborn side, my hopeful side, my fearful side, my longing side-- there is this resilient, durable, everlasting trust in him and though I admit that we have had our share of pain in this relationship, I personally feel that he's made me so much stronger. I bounce back from depression pretty quickly most of the time, I am more able to handle my stresses, I am more productive-- hell, I've jumped onto the GTD bandwagon for chrissake. XD

I realize that lately, I've been too stubborn and harsh and strident, especially to Shef. Reading that chapter last night really inspired me to adopt a sense of compassion. However, that compassion will also include being able to be open-minded about Jered. I also have a history with Daniel, a guy who has caused me a LOT of trouble back in high school, that I will have to forgive. However, I think that keeping my distance from him would be a better choice, since just being around him creates a buildup of negative emotions in me. In my productive and gung-ho fervor, I've been utterly inconsiderate about others. I jump to the assumption that what works for me will work for others and it doesn't. It hardly ever does. To be there for people, to be a shoulder for them to cry on is enough.


As [the Dalai Lama] spoke, I felt an instinctive resistance. Although I've always valued and enjoyed my friends and family, I've considered myself to be an independent person. Self-reliant. Prided myself on this quality in fact. Secretly, I've tended to regard overly dependent people with a kind of contempt-- a sign of weakness.

Yet that afternoon, as I listened to the Dalai Lama, something happened. As "Our Dependence on Others" as not my favorite topic, my mind started to wander again, and I found myself absently removing a loose thread from my shirt sleeve . Tuning in for a moment, I listened as he mentioned the many people who are involved in the making of all our material possessions. As he said this, I began to think about how many people were involved int he making of my shirt. I started by imaging the farmer who grew the cotton. Next, the salesperson who sold the farmer the tractor to plow the field. Then, for that matter, the hundreds or even thousands of people involved in manufacturing that tractor, including the people who mined the ore to make the metal for each part of the tractor. And all the designer of the tractor. Then, of course, the people who processed the cotton, the people who wove the cloth, and the people who cut, dyed, and sewed that cloth. The cargo workers and truck drivers who delivered the shirt to the store and the salesperson who sold the shirt to me. It occurred to me that virtually every aspect of my life came about as the results of others' efforts. My precious self-reliance was a complete illusion, a fantasy. As this realization dawned on me, I was overcome with a profound sense of the interconnectedness and interdependence of all beings. I felt a softening. Something. I don't know. it made me want to cry.

-
"The Art of Happiness," p. 74

I want to continue sustaining an open relationship with the world. We really are all interconnected and in addition to the fact highlighted above that we are all connected to people through material goods, we are also all connected through ideas. I draw and create art in a style that has been invented and developed by innumerable artists before me. I include symbolism that is built from symbols and archetypes from the past that have been passed down for centuries. Even new styles that I feel I have created on my own, I have built up from other people's work. Nothing in art is entirely, completely original, e.g. without Michelangelo, mannerism wouldn't have developed. Or at least, it wouldn't have developed as much as it did. A lot of literature is built on ideas built on webs of other ideas. All stories somehow lead to the Bible or plays of antiquity or Shakespeare, I've read. Even scientists and mathematicians have to build up from somewhere.

It's almost sort of ... beautiful.

No comments: