Fast times.

I am currently undergoing a week-long fast and so far, I've gone through four full days without food! I've hardly ever gone through one day of food and it's funny how subtracting one factor of your daily life can make such a difference. I feel a lot more .. lightweight? Not just because of my empty stomach but mentally, I feel lightweight. Not dizzy, but clear. Admittedly, the feeling of being cleansed was not as dramatic and revolutionizing as I had anticipated-- it is a very subtle change. I hardly noticed it at all. In fact, at first, I was afraid that I was doing this for nothing. Instead of crackling out of this cocoon in violent spasms, trying to liberate myself from its grasp, I feel more like I just slipped out of the cocoon and fluttered away quietly.

My mind is so uncluttered. Even a couple of days ago, when my darling Shef and I were talking about the future and I got horrendously intimidated, the fear was alleviated almost immediately. Of course, a large part of the alleviation was due to my lover's kind consolations, but still, it was uncharacteristic of me.

I feel a pleasant emptiness; my body feels so lightweight and so rid of clutter that every breath I take is refreshing. I wish very much that the weather were warmer so I could fully enjoy taking in the outdoor air. I want to do this again in the summer, when I can really sweat out all the toxins and really purify myself.

I also feel like I've made a triumph over myself. I used to think that I had no willpower whatsoever but I've continually turned down food again and again this week, even when my friends were eating cookies and candy and sushi in front of me! ::pout:: But I did it, and I'm really proud of myself. It makes me believe that perhaps I can do a lot more than I give myself credit for. Self-improvement has always been a constant endeavor for me; the first thing I hit when I go to the bookstore is the self-help section. I soak in the information but sometimes, I never implement what I learn, no matter how revolutionary an idea is. I get scared, I get skeptical, I even get too lazy. Right now, I want to learn and do as much as I can. I can't sit like a rock and expect good things to happen, I need to really get up and make them happen. I've already mentally compiled a list of what I want to achieve this year and even how I'm going to achieve them. First off, above all, I need to break my social anxiety. I worked hard to build myself into a social butterfly (Jeez, all these butterfly metaphors. Lol. ) in my senior year, I can do it again. I've lost so many job opportunities due to my fear of calling, confronting, inquiring, meeting ...

Tomorrow, I'm calling Sal and asking him about that job. I'm also going to call a bunch of other possible job places and sending out a whole mess of emails. I need to establish a relationship with the architecture department @ Georgia Tech and I need to hunt down Jesse's father. I also want to start getting my freelance mural thing going; it's good money and I really do genuinely miss doing mural work.

I've been falling in love with the Internet again. For almost two years now, the utility of the Internet has been narrowed down to Gmail, Myspace and Livejournal for me but I hit like a gold mine of random-ass resources the other day. LOL. I recommend that you guys check these links out~

Pandora Internet Radio A really awesome site that lets you type in a band or artist name and helps you discover similar artists/bands.

LifeHack.org Such a useful site; plenty of resources and advice for all kinds of issues from conversation to college life to money to relationship advice.

Squidoo Gives THE best links and resources, hands down.

Seventh Sanctum A plot/character/etc generator. If you ever run out of ideas ... ^_^

Not too shabby of a first post. ^_^